I walked out of the house angry. I hated how aunty was taking this issue lightly. My sister's husband was a man whore he loved women no matter how many times he cheated Busi used to forgive him and that pissed me off. I went to Thando's house she was telling me about the love she had for brother Peter all I could do was to laugh at how crazy she used to imitate Peter.
I later went home and I found aunty reading her bible
"Where were you Gugu?"
"I was at Thando's house,will Busi forgive that man" my aunty got angry
"He is older than you Gugu, he is not that man but he is your sister's husband. I never taught you to disrespect elders where do you get the audacity to talk like this"
"I am so sorry Mawe but I hate the fact that my sister is suffering and you are not helping her with anything. Are you not scared that she will die because of stress? Mawe do you hate her that much that you are willing to let her be the living sacrifice?" She closed her bible smiling
"Today you are questioning my love for you Phindile's child"
"No Mawe I am curious sorry for sounding insensitive that was not my aim"
"Look child it's easy to talk about such matters if you are not in them. You can throw insults at Busi and call her stupid. She is not stupid she is fighting for something that belongs to her. She is fighting for her family. A wise woman doesn't only stay in the marriage when it is sweet. She also stays when the fire starts burning. She covers her husband's disgusting acts. She doesn't show the world what is happening in her marriage. She doesn't go around dishing her husband's dirt. No matter what's happening in your marriage you should put on a happy face . And cry in your secret corner, the corner of offloading every pain inside your heart" I shook my head shocked
"No way aunty what about what I feel inside do you know that there is a thin line between submission and oppression . Who will fight for me?"
"Only God can fight your battles. Once you get married your life will only revolve around your family. Everything that you do as a wife will be for your family. There are going to be other women who will try to come in between you and your husband, but you as the wife will show them were to get off" I laughed
"Whuu shame wonders shall never end. I feel for the old school. Why should I fight the other woman when the man is the problem here" aunty stood up from the couch raising her hands as a sign of surrender
"Gugu you are so stubborn none the less I hope your other ear heard what I said"
I went to the bedroom to get my textbooks and my past question papers. I wanted to pass and work if I don't go to school. After many hours of studying I went to bed.
We spend the whole week attending at school. I was more nervous than Lizwi about the exams I knew very well that they were going to determine my future. My wish was to buy my aunty a big house just to thank her for loving me unconditionally like I was her own.
It was finally Saturday we were going to the youth service. By 8 O'clock I was already done cleaning. I took a bath and decided to wear my long floral dress it was Mhlongo's favourite. I made breakfast for both of us when I went outside I found him under the tree as always he looked at me smiling
"Stop smiling and get inside" he walked inside my house nervously he was scared of Aunty I don't know why because my aunty loved him.
"Nkosazana unjani "
I smiled
"Try and limit your formal language you are with Gugu not a queen" he laughed revealing his white sparkling teeth
"Gugu I am trying to be romantic try and meet me half way" we both laughed
I handed him a wet cloth for him to wipe his hands. We drank coffee and muffins. I quickly washed the dishes.
We walked to church with him carrying the umbrella. When we got to church the service was five minutes away from starting. We opened with prayer
Sister Lindiwe was talking about purity
"Bantu abasha yekani ukudla isono awukwazi ukumuzwa uNkulunku usesonweni (young people stop sinning you can never here God when you are sinning) your bodies are the temples of God. I will read Galatians 5 v 16 So I say live by spirit,and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 19 says the acts of the sinful nature are obviously sexual immorally,impurity and debauchery" she continued preaching.
In our church we were not allowed to date the only thing that was allowed was courtship. With courtship you were not allowed to meet without the third person invited. If that were to happen the Pastor was not going to get interested in your matters because you disrespected him and the way things are done in church.
The service was very nice. Purity was every girl's goal,we also had people who were in secondary virginity those who used to engage in sexual activities before they were saved.
We had finally started with our exams Lizwi was helping me with Maths and Science I was lacking in those subjects. He was really patient with me unlike me he was very smart and he was from a rich background. The way he was so humble you would deny that he was a rich kid.
After so many weeks of sleepless nights we were finally done with matric. Some were crying others were happy. I was so happy I was finally free from Maths. Lizwi was very clingy now I had to nurse his feelings.
"I am scared because we will never be the same again Gugu. Life after matric won't be easy" I laughed
"Lizwi I am not dying and I will always be here in this house"
"You won't understand Gugu anyway never mind let's just drop it" we walked home it was different he was not talkative as always . I could feel it that he was leaving my life for good. It was the truth I was trying to avoid.
It's better to keep quiet and not judge a person when you are not in that situation. Refrain from condemning people without understanding the reasons why they do the things they do.
I had gone to Eastern Cape for December holidays my mother's friend stayed there in Aliwal North . After a week of visiting Lizwi came to fetch me saying he missed me, I had to lie to my so called aunty and I told her I was going back home . We spent the whole week in the hotel.
We took a walk to the beach
"I wish I could stay here, forever with you looking into eyes Gugu" I laughed running into the beach the water was so cold
"This water is so cold come in Mhlongo" he stood there smiling got outside of the water and pulled him inside. He looked deep into my eyes making my heart beat
He kissed me his tongue swerved into all the corners of my mouth. It was my first kiss I went along with whatever he was doing. I bit his lips by mistake. I ran away from him laughing he followed me and threw me inside the water. I pretended to be drowning he jumped in and carried me out of the water I laughed
"You nearly gave me a heart attack Gugu are you crazy?"
"Tell me doctor Mhlongo am I crazy?"
"You are crazy" He smiled revealing his dimples
I smiled he carried me to the steps far from the beach . Lizwi was a cautious person who was always alert while I was forever reckless.
"Lizwi I appreciate everything that you do for me (teary) you care for me more than I care for myself. I am very grateful ..." he used his finger to shut me up.
"Don't say anything anymore, I don't want to lose you. I want to woke up next to you everyday of my life please go with me to Cape Town" I instantly got nervous
"I can't my life is in Dobsonville I can't live without aunty"
"I will help you get a job in Cape Town. We are not going to sin maNdaba we will get married. I won't do anything that doesn't make you happy"
I wasn't ready for all of that I was only 18, Lizwi was two years older than me, he once stopped going to school because of his past that we don't visit.
" I can't what you just said is so overwhelming. My life is in Soweto,we are still young"
he huffed in frustration and walked away. I ran to him he had tears in his eyes I just hugged him we both cried. Being independent wasn't the part of the equation. We walked back to the hotel.
We spent the rest of the days creating memories. We even wrote our names on the beach sand. Lizwi wrote his future son's name while I wrote my daughter's name .
I was back home aunty was happy saying that she missed me a lot.
"Mawe if I were to start my life in Cape Town would you be ok with that" her face changed
"I don't want to be away from you my daughter . I would do anything to keep you happy if Cape Town is what you want then you have my blessings. Do you want to go there?"
"No I was just asking out of curiosity" we spent the rest of the day cleaning .
Finally the day of the results came. I was woken up by Lizwi around 4am
When I got outside the house he was carrying the newspaper
He hugged me smiling
"Are you ready MaNdaba?" I nodded nervously
I got a D I was happy ,Lizwi got 5 Distinctions I hugged him happily. We went inside my house to sleep for few hours. We woke up around eight and went to school to get our statements.
I had 40% in mathematics, 45% science and the rest were 50s I was content with what I had mind you I was not a smart person.
"What are you going to do from here Gugu?" I shrugged my shoulders
"Be a domestic worker or work at Pick n Pay'" he got angry
"You are destined for great things Gugu we will make it in life'" I nodded because I wanted to make him happy I wasn't really listening to his lectures.
I still remember that day perfectly it was January the 18th he came to my house carrying an envelope
"I am leaving now Gugu, I wanted to leave with you" we both cried it was the day I was going to face reality without him
"Please take care of yourself Mhlongo"
He slightly chuckled
"Take this envelope, I will come back before you know it. I will find you here. Promise me that you will wait for me"
I kissed his soft pink lips that was goodbye. He hugged me I could smell his cologne on my clothes. I ran inside the house and threw myself on the bed crying. I opened the envelope and found a necklace and a letter written by him expressing his love for me all I could do was to cry.
It was finally March I had been looking for a job with no luck.
"Mawe I am tired no one calls me for an interview not even one call nje hhayi I have bad luck " she smiled
"Be patient child God will answer your prayers"
My life was never the same again. Sundays were now different there was no one waiting for me by the gate.
I had the necklace on my neck everyday.
I finally got a job at Carlton centre, I was so excited. I worked as a merchandiser it was better than being home.
After a month of working I bought aunty a set of plates she thanked me crying.
The first semester was finally over I was so excited I went to Lizwi's house but his mother told me that he had gone to KwaNongoma. I felt my heart cringing, I had waited for six months but he never thought of visiting me..
I was running late the stupid man followed me again as always
"Nkosazana please give me a chance I won't take long"
I screamed
"What do you want?" He smiled
"I want you and I will get you" I left him standing there.
When I got to work my manager gave me a written warning . I worked the whole day with a heavy heart. When I knocked off I found that man waiting for me. He was so used to it
"How was your day my angel?" I kept quiet and looked away
"Please give me a chance to know you. Tell me your name please" I rolled my eyes
"Gugu Ndaba" he smiled
"Hhawu MaNdaba I am Dumisani Zwane. Where do you stay?"
"Soweto" he smiled
"I stay in Soweto too at snake park" I wondered why he was telling me all those things because I wasn't interested.
We got inside the same taxi he paid for the transport who can say no when a good Samaritan wants to bless you.
It was finally a full year without a letter or a call from Lizwi and he still didn't come for holidays. I was missing him everyday that it hurt.
Dumisani was still persistent but he was a different case because he wasn't saved like I was.
It was finally Sunday I went to church early. I was leading the whole service. After the worship service the Pastor preached about Love how we should love one another how can we love God who we can't see and fail to love our brothers who are next to us.
After the service I went to brother Thabane
"Bhuti may I please talk to you in private" he nodded and followed me
"Unjani sister Gugu how can I help you" I trusted him he was kind
"Is there a problem if a church girl dates a none believer? Do none believers abuse their wives more" he looked at me thinking deep
"Sister Gugu Marrying a Christian or non Christian is not the bases and never is the bases of a abuse free relationship.
Marriage is never based on whether one is saved or not but should be based on Calling and on Love if the person understands that he or she was placed on earth with a purpose then even His or Her conducts will be directed by that.
The Bible says Adam and Eve were created and God said this is Good, and He gave His breath of life and Said "Go multiply, be fruitful and replenish the earth, take dominion over the fish of the seas and the birds of the sky."
Now if you understand that you can see that God didn't first speak about Love He first created us for a purpose with a purpose of complete a purpose.
So once a guy or girl understands that for me to go and be fruitful, to multiply to replenish / fill the earth it will require a two man job a female and a male.
But now the thing is men who are not saved "perish because of lack of knowledge" which means because they not saved they not enlightened to that fact and they not directed with the word to understand that for me to enter a marriage and be successful it will require a partner to love and to do my purpose with and being abusive this will not not because which lady will obviously give herself to a men freely who is abusive??
A saved men on the other hand is suppose to know that I have a purpose and the word also commands me as a guy To Love which means for me in marriage I have a responsibility and a task to be Fruitful, multiply and fill the earth and must love my wife... Love doesn't abuse, love doesn't hurt but love grows, moulds and makes something good even better
So a Christian man is a better way to go to avoid abuse or a abusive relationship but in these times even saved men still abuse their wife and kids in closed doors so you as a wife or partner always needs to pray for your husband" I nodded and thanked him I walked home having alot of questions was I falling for Dumi..
To be continued..
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